Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Your Patience Is Appreciated

I miss blogging, I do.  For several months I was doing daily posts and enjoying it.  I like writing, I always have.

And I *think* people like reading it?  (all 6 of you...?)  LOL

I'm trying to "get back on the horse", as it were.  I have plenty to talk about and SHOW, but I'm just out of practice now.  I need to rebuild the blogging habit.

This morning (EARLY this morning) was my first session with the personal trainer and here in about a half hour, the organizer is coming over to help me get started on the studio overhaul to end all overhauls!  I'm excited.  I think I'm going to go coffee up.  There are a few hours of organization work to come.

Stay tuned....

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

A Current Project

Here's a peak at one of the small projects I'm working on.  It is something I've wanted to try for a while: use stitching to make panels for an Arabian costume.  I have envisioned some fancy hand embroidery with different types of stitching - like I've seen some other costume makers do.  However, for now my only embroidery experience is of the cross-stitch variety.

So, I present an in progress Arabian costume panel on the highest count fabric I've worked with to date (22ct adia):

It has taken me many, many hours to get to this point and unfortunately it isn't big enough.  That's not really a problem, since the pattern is easy to repeat and modify.  In the beginning I just sort of eyeballed how much of this pattern I thought I'd need.

Today I started adding on more of the pattern all around, to make it fit the panel size.

Then I'll have to do another one to match this, plus the larger rear panel.

I have quite a collection of fabric gathered now for costume making.  Many of them I do plan to at least do some accent stitching on.  I also have some fabric for the fancier hand embroidery, and the library here has a couple of wonderful books on embroidery stitching.  So I hope to eventually make that fancy hand embroidered costume I dream of in the future, but for now I'm liking the looks of this one.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Still Floundering, But... Excited

Apologies in advance, this isn't really a happy post - well, until the end - but I felt like I should share what's been going on.  I know I'm not alone.  It's helped me to know that, when reading that other people - particularly other model horse people - have been having struggles.  Maybe this will help someone else someday.

"I'm feeling...  happy, and that's a big deal...  for me."
- Marlin, Finding Nemo


I'm still... adrift... dealing with remnants of the depression that grips me this time every year.  (my daughter's birthday, followed closely by Mother's Day = it's a stiff one-two punch in the heart and the gut)

It occurs to me that there have been many days lately when I just don't feel...  anything.  I've noticed that Jeff and my friends here have asked me repeatedly lately if I'm okay.  I say: yeah, I don't feel bad, but, I don't feel...  anything.  I finally talked to Jeff about it a couple of nights ago.  I told him that if I had to label it, I'd say I feel numb and disconnected from everything.  He said that's actually a sign of serious depression.

On the studio front, I have been quietly working on some projects; a few new saddle pads, as well as a few Arabian costumes.  I'm excited about them, but the feeling seems to be brief and fleeting.  I guess I just haven't felt like "talking" about them, or anything really.

Today I took a big step, or a couple, to try and get myself out of this "rut".

This morning I met with a personal trainer/nutritionist to take the first steps towards getting back in shape and being healthier.  It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but I feel overwhelmed and decided that I'd like a professional to at least help me get started.

This afternoon, I swallowed what little pride I have and had a professional organizer come by the house.  The house as a whole is not that bad, some clutter spots here and there, but my main reason for having her come over is...  my studio room.  I just can't get it figured out.  It's never been one of those picture perfect creative spaces (who really has that??), but it's out of control here.  I don't like being in there, it used to be my happy space.  Now it's just another mess in my life that I have to deal with - and don't want to/don't know how to.  Again, I decided it was time to call in professional back up.

We started off by looking at the room and discussing a 3 page list I'd come up with outlining the challenges I see, and what I want to have in there.  She told me her ideas.  Then we went from talking about academic organizational type of stuff to discussing time management and goal setting.  I told her that I feel like I have no goals or dreams right now, I haven't for a while, and that I feel like I've just been drifting - for a long time.  It turns out that she offers not just physical organization of rooms and "stuff", but also help with time management, scheduling, and so on.  We ended up having a good talk about those types of things and how getting my creative space organized will help in the happiness department - I do firmly believe that.  I think everything is connected.

I know some people with depression take medication and it helps them.  Many of my close friends and family are in that camp.  I'm happy for them, though I want to try something different.  I want to work on fixing up my environment and my body, to fix up my mind and feelings.  I've done it before and it works for me.

A few years ago I went through a brief period of intense personal growth.  I was taking dressage lessons and also belly dancing lessons.  I was learning so much about my body and my mind, it was fascinating to learn how things are connected.

I feel like I'm on the edge of another period of self discovery.

I feel...  excited.