Every time there is a big gap in between posts - which is all the time "lately" (the last few+ years?) I feel like I should address it somehow when I unexpectedly post here again. But also... "Ain't nobody got time for that"?
I'm simultaneously somehow okay... better than ever, really - no.. really - while also struggling with a darkness I can't articulate. Many times I've been told, or read or heard, that it takes being "safe" to finally be able to process trauma that you were stuck in survival mode to get through at the time it was happening. I've realized that most of my life has been spent in that survival state. I'll spare you the trauma dump(s). I'm okay. I really am. It's just - at times - a daily fight to convince myself that it's true. I'm trying to find myself again and this is part of that. Thank you for being here.
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In the chaotic mess that is my life and my studio, there are some strange constants.
One is this:
I've come to think of him as the "guardian of the cards". You see, for some reason, he ended up parked on top of the box my business cards are in. He lives there. Whenever I need a card, or three, I move him, retrieve the cards, then put him back at his post.
But.. what is he?
He's a wooden bear, from Japan.
Here's a better view of him, briefly taken as I rotated him on his perch. (He looks a bit concerned.)
Just a few days ago, the box of cards he guards was changed out. The best way to describe that is probably to share the post I made on my Facebook business page tonight.
That about says it all, or all I need to say right now.
More about that bear...
Wooden bears were everywhere when I was in Japan. The one who guards the cards is the smallest in my little collection - and the smallest I'd seen there, which is why I bought him at a random sale somewhere over there.
The biggest one I have is this guy.
Here he is with a Stablemate, for scale.
I laughed after I took that picture, realizing how that is a Stablemate (1:32) mold who is also a traditional (1:9) scale - which makes the bear look HUGE. Ha! He's not THAT big.
So here's another picture, with Hazard - a classic (1:12) scale mustang stallion. (He is a son of Reckless, for anyone who's followed me for a while)
I also grabbed another bear to show off here, but the picture ended up blurry. Ah well. This bear has a fish on a fishing pole.
At times I had wished I knew the significance (if any) of the wooden bears, often carved with fish, in Japan. While I was there it felt beyond the language barrier for me to ask. Someday I might go searching on the internet, but for then and for now it's just a memory of my time there and that's enough.
There are definitely bears there and they are nothing to mess with. The Asiatic Black Bear, which was found where I was living and exploring, was known to attack people. Us Americans were warned that they are not the often timid black bears we might be used to. Up north, on the island of Hokkaido, are big brown bears. I saw some fairly fresh bear scat on a hiking trail once and I think I saw a bear in a field along the road another time. That was - thankfully - as close as I ever got to one.
The tiny carved bear who guards my cards feels like he is well suited to the task.
